A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, [a] he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. Psalm 68:5-6 (NIV)
I felt led to share some of my journey to wholeness with you in hopes to inspire you to move forward in your own healing process. Below are letters I wrote to my absentee father at two very different periods of my life. One was written in October of 2013 at the tender age of 22 where I was in an identity crisis. I was very bitter and angry about the cards that life had dealt me. I was having a hard time understanding how my biological father could abandon me. It had been years since I had seen or heard from him. I felt the need to prove that I didn’t need him, and that I would be just fine. Take a look at what I wrote below.
Before Christ (2013) Tiffany Wrote:
I hope you claim them other kids you got and you are there for them. Just wanted to say I’ve been successful without you. I graduated with honors from my university. I am now getting my MBA and will be sitting for the CPA exam soon. I also will be working for a Big Four Accounting firm really soon. My career and life will be one of excellence as it has always been without you. However, I do wonder sometimes about where I come from. People always say that even though your father is not there for you he still loves you, I don’t think so. But one thing I am sure of is that I would make you proud!
Thanks Nadine’s Daughter,
Not sure if you noticed but in that short paragraph I see so much pain, anguish, confusion and bitterness. I can hardly believe how smug and disrespectful I used to be. Now if we fast forward to what I would write today, at age 27, being redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ it would sound a lot like the letter below.
Present Day (2018) Tiffany Wrote:
Dear Biological Father,
I pray that all is going well for you mentally, spiritually and in your present circumstances. I just want you to know that I release you from any obligations that I may have created in my mind and heart for your role in my life. I have been healed to the best of my current abilities of the father wound created by your absence. I have been blessed beyond measure. I would like to thank you for the many contributions you’ve made to the woman I am today.
I am much stronger than most of my peers on all fronts because I’ve had to learn how to survive without you. I also want to thank you for my business mindset I’m almost certain I inherited that from you. I’m a very successful business woman that has gotten further than I’ve ever imagined with God leading me to greater heights daily. All in all, I would just like to say that I forgive you and I am moving forward to the greater things that Christ Jesus has for me.
God Bless You,
Do you see the difference? I do. I meant every word too!
Through my relationship with Jesus Christ I’ve been able to forgive and move forward to the best of my abilities. However, I wouldn’t be genuine if I didn’t admit that healing is an ongoing process. I will discuss more of that, at a later time, as led by the Holy Spirit to do so.
I’ve been sent here to share with you and to ask something of you. I’ve felt led to share that God wants to do a new thing in your life. However, you must take a first step. I encourage you to forgive your absent father and release the pain of having to be so strong for so long. Give that pain to Jesus and watch Him use it for your good (Romans 8:28). God will give you beauty for ashes (Isiah 61:3) if you would just allow Him to.
Ask God how to forgive. “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 (NLT)
Pray to the Lord for wisdom on how to move forward. Do not look at someone else’s process and try to follow it step by step. Ask the Holy Spirit to assist you with making this journey to healing a new experience by mapping out a strategy for your life. Make it an adventure that leads you to being healed and whole by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Here is a prayer 🙏🏽 from the Holy Spirit that lives in me for anyone suffering from the Father wound that would like to get this process started.
A Fatherless Child’s Prayer to Start the Healing Process:
Lord Jesus, I accept you into my heart as my Savior and my King. I repent of my sins and wish to turn away from my sinful ways. I want to be set free from the bondage of sin. I want a genuine relationship with you. Make me over Lord. Father God in the matchless name of Jesus Christ I declare that I am no longer bound by the demonic spirits of rejection, confusion, abandonment, anguish or bitterness. I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over my life. I am not a victim, I am victorious in Christ. I am not a statistic, but I am a child of the most high God. Release and deliver me by uprooting every stronghold in my mind, especially rejection, caused by the absence and overall dismissal of my biological father. By the blood of Jesus Christ, the enemy of my soul is defeated. Help me Holy Spirit by continuing to work through my daddy issues and encouraging me to keep praying to change my life. Bring all of my issues to light so that you can defeat the darkness that has dwelled within me for far too long. I was rejected by my birth father and it’s caused a lot of issues in my life and relationships. I will no longer allow my past to dictate my future, make me over Lord. I will not attempt to make anyone in my present or future relationships pay for the issues caused by my absent father. I reclaim all territory that the enemy has stolen from me and declare that this pain and these spirits will not be passed down to my children. I am chosen Lord and not forsaken. From this day forward, I want to be a better reflection of you in the earth. From now until forever, I want to be all that you called me to be. In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.
If this blog does not apply to you please share it with someone that can be blessed through it.
If you or someone you know potentially has a father wound… whether it’s from an absent father, abusive father, or any other similar circumstance (or combination of circumstances) please pray for them. Pray that they are able to extend forgiveness and start the healing process.
Also, share this blog with them. Inspire someone you love to release their pain to Jesus and allow God to do a new thing.
Action Steps: Can Be Done in Any Order and Each Step Can be Done More than Once
- Forgive your absent father.
- Assess the damage – write a letter to your absent father genuinely expressing yourself.
- Pray for healing being led by the Holy Spirit.
- Work with the Holy Spirit to achieve healing.
- Go on an adventure with God to begin achieving wholeness.
- Reflect: Journal, it’s so freeing.
- Repeat every 6 months (Semi – Annually) making note of your progress.
The Word: “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, [a] he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Psalm 68:5-6 (NIV)
Bonus: The status of your relationship with your biological father does not determine your tomorrow. God is a father to the fatherless, receive his love today. Remember to forgive and you will be forgiven. Remember that God would not place more of a burden on you than you can bear. God had me write this for a purpose. You are loved, and God wants you to stop allowing unforgiveness to block your blessings. Start the process today!
Here is more good worship, click the link -> More than I Can Bear by Kirk Franklin
© 2018 The Love JC Ministry, all rights reserved.
4 thoughts on “Healing from an Absent Father: Testimony, Prayer, and Action Steps”
Wow this is great. I always thought the man in the pic with your mom was your biological father. I think this a great read for women who didn’t have there farthers in there life to show them how a man is supposed to treat a woman.
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Thank you Corey! I appreciate your kind words always! God bless!
Thank you for sharing on a vulnerable issue. It is clear how you have grown in humility and forgiveness. ♥
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Thank you so much Lily that means a lot! God bless you sister!