“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)
“Everything that can fall away will fall away.” – Unknown
Recently, I found myself being tested in every area of my life. My walk with God, my Faith, my purity, my mind, my finances, my family, my career and my friendships/relationships.
On Sunday, July 8, 2018, I got a REALLY GOOD Word at church. I felt like God had broken the chains that held me, and I was entering a new season.
However, I had no idea what was on the horizon.
Remember how I talked about trusting God when you have Cloudy Vision? Well, in July, I couldn’t even see.
My optimism quickly turned into pessimism as I faced one of the darkest times of my life.
When I tried to turn to “friends” I faced judgment and criticism. The grace that I’d given was not extended to me.
Then when I had just about lost my mind…I found out my cousin (who was more like a brother to me) passed away from a heart attack due to complications of diabetes. At the tender age of 32, Delano who loved me so well had gone to glory. “Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” James 4:14 (NKJV)
Just two weeks prior, the Lord put Delano on my heart. So, I prayed for him to be healed and asked my mom to check on him for me. I still cannot believe Delano passed away. “I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” Lamentations 3:20-24 (NLT)
At this point my mind was FRIED! I about gave up. Honestly, if I wasn’t with my parents for our family reunion when I got the news of his passing I would have lost my mind for sure. How do I know that I must have been crazy? I made a booty call… that’s right…. almost two years into my celibacy journey and I was about to toss it all away because I WAS TIRED. I AM TIRED. We are flawed humans and we get TIRED. I’ve been at the end of myself since December 2017 and have lived all of 2018 on pure GRACE. Praise God that He had mercy on my soul. God is so good that when I called my ex fiancée he was across the country. My ex also decided to love me enough to ignore my advances and help me sort through my real issues. I hadn’t spoken to him for a very long time and after that night I haven’t talked to him since. However, I’m grateful to God for distance and speaking to that man’s heart for me. (Insert ugly cry 😭).
My friend Jacquline kept telling me to read the book of Job in the Bible. I wasn’t tryna hear it, but she was right. I’ve been in a pruning season. When I rededicated my life to Jesus in 2016 and got baptized again earlier this year – I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into…. Chileeee!!!
Now I’m left maneuvering through the muddy waters of life deciding to trust God. “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” Job 13:15 (KJV)
I’ve been apologizing to anyone I’ve offended and simply thanking God for the people that haven’t given up on me during this difficult time. If you were looking for a hero or someone to idolize it’s not me. I want to warn you right now that this is a blog for the REAL people who are not afraid or ashamed. Our scars make us beautiful!
I’m not out of the muddy waters yet. I’ve literally been clinging to God like never before! I am clinging to a thread so thin that I can’t even see it. I’m grateful for the REAL FRIENDS that have called and checked on me. The people in my life that have spoken life to me and prayed for me.
Most of all, I am grateful for the God of heaven. The God who told me to call and make sure my cousin Delano knew I loved him two weeks prior to his passing. The God who brought my dysfunctional family together (on one accord) to celebrate the life and legacy of my cousin. The God who has comforted me in my mourning and reminds me that my cousin is no longer in pain. The God who pushed me to become the first Certified Public Accountant (CPA) in my family. The God who sent a friend all the way from Detroit, MI to hold me while I cried on her shoulder. The God that is stripping me of the poverty mentality. The God that is pushing me to stand up for myself and my worth. The God that made a way when there was no way!
When everything at work is crazy who are you going to run to?
When times get hard what are you going to do?
Quit? Or run to God?
It is important to pray to God for discernment. Pray that God reveals the purpose of people in your life. Pray that God reveals the season you are in and how to navigate that season. Pray for understanding. Ask God – What am I birthing? What did I pray for that resulted in these circumstances? What type of generational curses am I breaking? Who am I that God chose me? Once you decide to seriously pursue God, pay attention to the people and circumstances in your life because everything that can fall away will fall away.
“They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.” 1 John 2:19 (NIV)
The Word: Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)
The Story/The Lesson: This isn’t my most eloquent blog. This isn’t constructively a masterpiece. However, this is for somebody! I needed to bless someone. I need you to understand that Christians go through difficult seasons. This is not a cake walk. When you dare to put your Faith in God you will be tested. I went from being tested in June to being pruned in July. God has shown me so much about myself and others. I’ve learned that sometimes what you go through has less to do with you and more to do with the purpose God has for your life and who you are called to serve. Difficulties are not always caused by sin. I have learned that everything that can fall away, will. “Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2 (ESV) I thought I lost my mind, but I am grateful that I have the mind of Christ. I am still singing songs and praying prayers. I believe in the God of Miracles. I know that in due time my situation will turn around and yours can too. I’m in a pruning season. I’ve passed some test and failed a few but God loves me. He will never leave or forsake me. God, I trust you.
Bonus: Worship the God of Miracles with Jesus Culture – Miracles (Live/Lyrics And Chords) ft. Chris Quilala
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